In a perfect world, I would be like those friends of mine that have it so together that their kids are scrubbed, tubbed, fresh and happily read to, in bed by 7:30pm. Therefore, I would have hours of time yet ahead of me to pick up the house, get things ready for tomorrow, and quietly shuffle off to bed to read awhile before turning out the light...at a decent hour. Unfortunately, my house doesn't run that smoothly.
I don't have anything that together. More often than not, it's late dinner, half-hearted cleanup, tears and struggles to bathe, rushed books (because I have searched for the smallest, shortest book we have on hand), and a miriad of excuses why they need to be up...still. I need a drink. I want another hug and kiss. I want one more book. Would you sing us a song...or five. I almost NEVER collapse into my bed before 10:00, maybe even 11:00. That is, leaving no time for ME. Sound selfish?? Well, wait til you hear the nightmare that tonight became...
Those of you (if any) who read this blog know that my husband is currently serving on a mission trip in Guatemala. He will not be home until Sunday evening. This week, while he is gone, I vowed to get to bed early each night and read, giving myself some "me time" that I don't usually EVER get with four kids and a busy, not-usually-home husband. My mother-in-law (best ever) has been so sweet to cook for us every night, clean up, EVERYTHING, so that I could have a little break as well. Not one night this week has it worked out that I could get to bed early. Most every night it has been midnight or much later before my tired body climbs into bed. I was hoping tonight would be the night I could get there early. I was wrong.
Tonight we left my mother-in-law's house in plenty of time to get the kids home and to bed so that I might get to bed "on time". I had the kids get into their jammies, we read two books, and I even "tickled" a couple of them for awhile (they like me to run my fingers lightly across their face, arms, legs, and back). When it came time for me to go on and leave, however, there were a few meltdowns. I was calm at first, then I lost it. I lost my temper and became very preoccupied with doing whatever I needed to do to get to my room and relax. I was not nice. I was yelling, pointing my finger, saying how I wanted to get to bed, etc. My kids were crying, one not wanting to go to sleep and the other teasing her and making things worse. My son kept getting down out of the bed over and over, and my oldest was away at drama practice. Honestly, we had plenty of drama going on at OUR house, they should have just come over here.
Anyway, I was pretty hateful and then locked myself in my room to ignore the repeated pleas...for anything from drinks to hugs to...you get the idea. My oldest came home somewhere in all of this chaos. When I came into my room to calm down and rest, she was there. She has had play practice all week and has not been home much, and she wanted to talk to me. Shamefully, I was not nice to her either. She wanted to do her homework near to me and just be with me, and she wanted to tell me some things about the play. What I SHOULD have done was invite her to stay and hear all about it, help her with her homework, and spent TIME with her. Instead, I kicked her out. I apologized later, but the hurt is still there. It still stings.
Oh, there are days I should have my mom-card revoked. This was one of those days. I pray they forgive me.
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