My grandmother is 92. I have written a post or two about her before. She is now in the hospital (for the latest of several recent visits) and it does not look very good. If you read this, please consider her in prayer. I know you don't know us, but I would really appreciate it. She has led a full life and I know she is ready to go Home, but it's still hard.
Recently we have had to make some hard decisions. There was a family meeting last month to discuss the fact that she did not appear to be able to live independently any longer. She had just moved into an "independent living facility", which was similar to living in her own apartment like she was, only had the added benefit of prepared meals and socialization with others. Otherwise, it was much the same. We called the meeting because she had fallen several times, and I was also noticing some personality and memory changes that concerned me. I was hoping that it was in my head and I was imagining things. Unfortunately, that doesn't seem to be the case.
She was taken to the ER last month, not long after she had moved in to her new place, because of the possibility of an incontinence problem. Then she was taken in because she had fallen and hit her head. Another time, she had let her blood sugar drop too low. She kept falling and kept having problems, and finally my uncle hired a nurse to come and give her medications to her twice a day and also make sure she was getting to her meals and eating correctly. She began becoming nauseated and having trouble keeping food down, and was acting very "confused". We made an appointment to see her primary doctor and the nurse met me there with Grandma. I had witnessed Grandma being a bit incoherent and confused, but she was extremely out of it and worse off than I had ever seen her. The doctor admitted her right away. Later at the hospital, she would become very agitated, unaware of her surroundings, and physically abusive to the staff at the hospital. She ended up having to be restrained. Furthermore, later in the day they decided to give her "Haldol", a fairly strong sedative, to calm her down...and it did. There was no medical reason to keep her in the hospital, so they released her. My uncle came and took her back to her independent living facility, but instead of her own apartment she was placed in a "respite care" room in the adjacent assisted living wing of the facility. Here, he was able to ensure that she had 24/7 care until he could return to town (he lives out of state) and make arrangements for a long-term nursing home facility.
Just yesterday, however, she was readmitted to the hospital with the same symptoms she was having last week. Today I visited her with my two youngest and my sister came, too. She told the nurse she did not know who I was (same as last week) and although she talked with us and smiled and said "I love you's", it was very hollow and at the end I don't think she realized who we really were. It's all very sad. Yesterday, after seeing her, the nurse and doctor on duty were very honest and said they believe this is the "beginning of the end". They wanted us to make sure her DNR status was up-to-date and we did so. Tonight the nurses said she began the agitation with physical reactions again, so I'm praying she doesn't have to be restrained again and that my uncle (who is coming tomorrow afternoon) will get here in time to see what we have seen in this behavior that he has yet to witness himself.
It is very hard. It's hard to watch her go in and out of awareness and hard to hear that my sweet little 4ft'-nothin', 110lb grandmother is inflicting harm and anger on others. I just pray that the Lord will take her soon and take her quickly. I'm so sorry she has to be this way.
Today while we were visiting her, Jack pulled the Bible from the top drawer and opened it and handed it to me. I glanced down and it was open to Isaiah 40/41. The last verse on the page stood out to me, because it is one I have memorized to recite in times of strife, or struggle, or pain. Isaiah 41:10 says, "Fear you not; for I am with you: be not dismayed; for I am your God: I will strengthen you; yes, I will help you; yes, I will uphold you with the right hand of my righteousness."
Thank You, Lord. Amen!
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