Resilience

I'm learning something this week. Kids are MUCH more resilient than adults are. After losing Bullitt this weekend, I'm watching the kids grieve. Each is different, and each of them is doing very well. My 14yr old left for camp the next day, and I honestly think that was best. My 7yr old was very sick to her stomach, vomiting, not eating, etc. for about 2 days. She is now over that part, but is having trouble when people talk about it or mention dogs at all. The younger ones handle it much differently. Our 5yr old daughter likes to draw pictures and will outwardly voice "I miss Bullitt." Our son who is 4 thinks we can go out and get him and bring him back, and said yesterday "Bullitt isn't dead, he's just sleeping." It is so hard to explain to them that no, Bullitt isn't sleeping...he died.

My husband is still not talking about it. He has not said one word. My honest opinion is that he is dealing with it in his own way. I hope that one day we can discuss it, but if not? That's really okay with me, actually. It just hurts too bad.

As for me? Well, I'm dealing with it my way. Day by day I get a little bit less gun-shy dealing with things around here without thinking about him. I catch myself for a split-second thinking I need to take him out or give him food and/or water. Then I feel sad and try to shake it, but I can't. When I come across friends or family that don't know yet, I don't know what to tell them. It's sad and it's hard. It's just wrong on all levels. Nothing feels right.

I just pray one day I can forget all of this.

***POST UPDATE***

We have a couple of friends who have mentioned a condition to us known as "bloat" that we think Bullitt might have had. One had it happen to her mastiff. It is very common in this breed, but this is the first we'd heard of it. Basically, if they eat too much too fast or drink and gulp too fast, their stomach actually "flips" on itself and cuts off the blood supply. He had been vomiting and right when he was put outside he was given food and water. Since it was so hot, it's very likely he gulped and this could have possibly been what killed him, and not just the heat itself. We will never know for sure, but it is an interesting phenomena that we had no clue about.